Freedom

In the summer of 2005, I found myself with an airline ticket to somewhere. It was my choice where. There’s a neat story behind that, one of the neatest I have actually, but I’ll save that for another time. I used that ticket to fly to Seattle, Washington, and visit Olympic National Park.

This was the summer after my second year of college. The year before had been hard, and I was at a point where I felt like I was on the cusp of something new. I knew I was going to have to make some decisions in the next year , and I thought these decisions would have long reaching impacts on my life.

Olympic National Park is an interesting place. It is essentially four parks in one. There is a high mountain region, an old growth forest, the Hoh rain forest, and a collection of rocky North Western beaches. I went for the rain forest, but I fell in love with the beaches.


The beaches of Olympic are rugged. The water is cold, having been carried South by the current from the Arctic, and the waves are strong. The shoreline is littered with splintered logs and piles of rocks. It’s not really a place to swim. It’s more of a place to be. When I was there, I spent my evenings walking along Ruby Beach, watching the sunset, and contemplating my life.

I felt like the will of God had grabbed me like the tide and drug me out into a sea of possibility, and I thought I was going to drown in it. I wished for anything that God would take away all my options and direct me. I felt like I had unbridled freedom to choose to swim any way I wanted, but I also didn’t know in which direction the shore lay, and so I was unable to move.

I prayed about this as I walked the sand, and God didn’t give me any direction, but the Holy Spirit did help me understand what I was feeling, and that was a great gift. That solo camping trip was formational for me, because it was another instance in which I learned to trust God even though I didn’t have all the answers. I learned to step forward without knowing exactly where my foot would fall, and I learned that freedom, or at least the kind of freedom we most often celebrate in our culture, isn’t the greatest good.

Fast forward two years, and I am spending my entire summer in Glacier National Park. Once again I find myself in a transitional period, and humorously, I’m still trying to answer the same questions I was asking as I walked Ruby Beach two years earlier.



Late that summer, my friend Jon came to visit me, and I led him on an overly ambitious backpacking expedition during which he got angry at me and didn’t want to talk to me anymore. His anger mellowed overnight, and as we were hiking out of the mountains the next day, we found ourselves discussing freedom.

You see, this was the first time Jon had been so far away from his girlfriend Bonnie for such an extended period of time, and he told me that for the first time, he really, really missed her. He said that freedom is overrated and that it’s far better to be known. When we were in Yellowstone a month ago, Jon told Patrick and I that his trip to Glacier was influential in his life because it revealed to him the depth of his feelings for Bonnie, and of course, they were married three weeks ago today.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
“It is for freedom that Christ has set you free.”

The Bible has a lot to say about freedom. God celebrates freedom. Christ came to proclaim freedom. Freedom is at the heart of the Gospel. However, the freedom of God is different than the freedom we shoot off fireworks to celebrate every 4th of July.

We celebrate a freedom of individuality. We are free to do what we want, when we want, how we want, and as much as we want. We are free to work to lift ourselves up and find ourselves and be anything that we want to be. We are free to go where we want and have everything our hearts desire. As Americans, we love this kind of freedom, but this is a freedom that kills, because it’s a freedom to be utterly selfish.

Biblical freedom isn’t a freedom to; it’s a freedom from and it’s a freedom for. In Christ, we are set free from sin. We are set free from death. We are set free from killing ourselves by living for ourselves because Christ died and lives for us. Just as Christ freely gave Himself for us, the freedom we have in Him is so we can live for others.

“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another in love.”
“Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.”

In Christ, we have been given the freedom to lay ourselves down, not to lift ourselves up, and this is a freedom that gives life to everyone it touches.

We gain this freedom as we yield to Him, as we forfeit our freedom of choice in favor of His will for us. As I learned on Ruby Beach, freedom of choice isn’t really freedom at all. It’s just a good way to drown. You’re only free when you have no choice.

And as we begin to yield to this true freedom, we find that the deepest longing of our heart wasn’t to be free to do what we want; rather, we long to be known. As we lay ourselves aside and give ourselves to Him, we learn we are known more intimately than we ever thought possible. We are set free from ourselves.

And that is a freedom worth celebrating every day of the year.

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Ooohs and Ahhhs

The glory of a firework show is in the unexpected. The crowd stands together, their faces turned expectantly toward the sky, and waits for whatever happens to happen. No one knows when the works are going to fire. "Now, Dad?" a child asks. "No. Not quite yet, dear," the father answers, "But keep watching."

And so they watch. The last remnants of sunlight drain from the sky, and a coolness settles. Women assume their shawls, and men rub their arms and bounce on their toes. The youngest children curl up on picnic blankets which have served throughout at the day as living room, dining table, and now crib and close their eyes. Teenaged boys and girls sit as close as they dare on lowered tailgates and swing their legs and giggle at nothing at all, and everyone watches the sky hoping to catch the first rocket as it rises, hoping the spectacular is coming soon. Then, true to holiday tradition (or true to the price of admission), the show begins, and the people "oooh" and "ahhh" and marvel at a sky alive with fire, color, and sound.



The magic is in never knowing what will happen next, as is the terror. Small children cry as the fire fills the sky, I think, because the experience is so unexpected. Nothing in their lives prepares them for such violence. Nothing about a good firework show is normal. Every moment is new, and it's bright and it's beautiful, but it's also loud and terrible. Now, I don't think firework experts get their jollies from frightening children. It just comes with the territory, because fireworks are built on a foundation of expectancy and surprise.

Now expectancy, I've learned, I can deal with. Suspense, hope, believing something might be just around the corner has become a normal part of life for me. I live every day with the conviction that at any moment God could direct me elsewhere, and I would go. There are such things as commitments. God likes us to keep our covenants, and at times He places things before us that require us to make a decision, and then we are bound to those things, and God never directs us away from them, and, I suspect, there is a peculiar freedom in being dedicated to something or someone outside oneself. There is always freedom in selflessness and endless mystery in another person.

But being bound doesn't preclude faith and living a life of faith, and I've grown somewhat used to living on the edge with God. I've found that He so often leads me right up to the end of whatever He previously led me to before He reveals where He wants me next. So, when I learned I was to lose my job at the end of June 2010, I didn't really expect to find something new until then.



God had other plans. Like a small child at a fireworks show, I've recently found myself in the midst of beautiful, somewhat unsettling explosions. The structure of my life has drastically changed in the last two weeks, and quite frankly, I'm not sure what to make of it. Two Tuesdays ago I was a part-time employee of the Provost's Office taking a break from classes for the summer. Now, I'm a full-time employee of the Provost's and Alumni/ae Offices and sort-of intern staffer at at my church. CRASH! KABOOM! Welcome to the show, Elijah.

All my friends and family are (rightly) excited and happy for me. They "oooh" and "ahhh" at the new things happening in my life, but I kind of feel like curling up on the blanket and sticking my fingers in my ears til it's all over. I just wasn't expecting this now, and I don't know how to process it. I am excited and amazed, but I'm also surprised.

I guess this is just another step in learning to live by faith. Whereas before I had learned to expect God to act as I approached the end of one thing, now I am learning to expect Him all the time. I'm more on the edge now, and that's a good thing. Anything that better highlights my dependence on my Father is a good thing, and now I understand more fully how imminent He is, and I feel a bit more prepared for whatever firework show He wants to instigate next. Hopefully, I won't be caught off guard next time, and I'll be better able to "oooh" and "ahhh" with everyone else.



P.S. That's the chief blessing in my new situation too - this living more dependently on the whims of God. The financial side of things is nice, but God provided for me before, and I always had all I needed. That hasn't changed. That's not new. He's just still providing. The extra finances, while nice and welcome, are more of a temptation to not rely on God than an encouragement to rely on Him more. Praise Him for the fiery blast of the unexpected that reminds me Who's in control. That's the real blessing here.

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"4th of July"

I don't think I'll ever watch a firework show again without thinking of this song. It comes off Ben Shive's 2008 release, The Ill-Tempered Klavier, my favorite album of last year.

This song (and the album) has a beautiful melancholy quality, full of hope yet honest about the brokenness around us (which is the only context in which hope makes sense). Yes, this nation, and all those who claim it as their own, "will perish from the earth," but "the first star of the evening," Christ himself, will persist and see us through.

Enjoy.



4TH OF JULY
Words and Music by Ben Shive



The first star of the evening
Was singing in the sky
High above our blanket in the park

And by the twilight’s gleaming
On the 4th day of July
The city band played on into the dark

And then a canon blast
A golden flame unfolding
Exploded in a momentary bloom



The pedals fell and scattered
Like ashes on the ocean
As another volley burst into the blue



But the first star of the evening never moved

We stood in silence
The young ones and the old
As the bright procession passed us by

A generation dying
Another being born
A long crescendo played out in the sky

Yeah







This nation, indivisible
Will perish from the Earth
As surely as the leaves must change and fall

And the band will end the anthem
To dust she will return
So the sun must set on all things, great and small

But the first star of the evening
Will outlive them all

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The Catchers in the Sky

They watched the sky, the four of them, together, side by side. They watched the sky both for themselves and for each other, but they mostly watched for themselves, as was fitting, for though the others could help the one, each could only gain that which he saw leave the earth and ignite the atmosphere with color and sound.

They stood tall, their heads hundreds of feet above the surface of the earth where the people of earth congregated below unaware of their presence. The people couldn't see them for two reasons: they were so large and they moved so fast. In the first place, people always overlook that which is most obvious, and the magnitude of the four friends made them more obvious than any other thing in existence. In the second, it's not that they traveled from place to place with special speed. Rather, it's that their very molecules vibrated with a special intensity. They were made of something more like light than flesh.

They stood together waiting and watching.

They knew the time was soon when their vigil would be complete. The time of year had come when the people of earth shot their rockets into the air. "Soon," they told each other as they searched the sky, "Soon."

The sun began to disappear beneath the far horizon, and the foursome stretched their limbs and rubbed their eyes and slapped their own faces to reawaken themselves. The sky grew dark, and the four began to bounce on the balls of their feet ansily. They alternated between watching the sky, checking on the state of their compatriots, and searching the ground for the small flames that encouraged the rockets to take to the sky.

Suddenly, a line of gold shot into the air a ways in front of the four friends. One of them saw it as it left the ground and was able to trace it's path through the sky. He ran to catch up to it. As he neared, it burst into a bloom of red and gold fire and sent little twirls of blue in every direction. Before this first blast could fade, the sky around the first explosion was filled with smaller bursts of red. The one who had chased it reached out with both hands and took hold of the explosion. He brought it to himself and took it into himself, and returned to his friends.



They looked on him in awe. The color and fire emanated from him. He was lit with an inner glow, and his eyes told best of the fire newly kindled inside him. He rejoined his friends to help them in their quests.

Soon after the first friend returned, two more spurts of fire shot into the sky. Two of the friends saw them leave and ran in opposite directions to catch them. The first followed the sound of the fire as much as the light, because it traveled with a high-pitched squeal. The other trail sent up side trails that persisted for longer than most. The first friend consumed a burst of green that filled the sky seemingly without structure or design. The second took in a burst of gold like a giant dandelion in the sky. Both rejoined their other two friends. The first with sparks of green coming from his fingertips, and the second with gold cascading from the top of his head like Sampson's fabled locks.





And still the fourth waited, and his friends waited with him.

The night drug on, and the fourth friend wondered if his would ever come. He searched the ground intently, when just before it was too late, he saw a small flame threading the alleyways just under his legs. The flame stopped, and the fourth friend leaned in to see better what was happening.

Suddenly, a plume of fire erupted in front of his face. He jerked back and brought his hands up to shield himself from the brightness. Then, realizing what was happening, he reached almost spastically to take hold of the explosion, but as he did, the mass of color slipped from his hands like a bar of wet soap and launched further up into the sky. As it reached its new height, it erupted again in new and more brilliant colors than before. He stretched with all he had to reach it, but it was just beyond his grasp.

He looked on as the explosion continued with ever increasing beauty and intensity, helpless to attain its majesty.

Then, as he began to despair, he felt strong, warm hands taking hold of his legs. His friends were lifting him higher into the sky. They pushed him up, up, up into the night, and with tears in his eyes he stretched up and took hold of the gold flowering above his head.



After they had set their friend back down, the four friends, each lit from within, embraced one another and turned to head home.

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Happy 6th of July! (Why not?)

I had a very good weekend.

On Friday, I had the day off, so I slept in, which means I awoke at 8 AM, and then I decided to make pancakes for my friend Andre in part because he is leaving for Norway today, and I won't see him again for a month, and that is not fun. They were blueberry pancakes, and they were good. Later that day, I went to a picnic which was also good, but unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of these things.

On Saturday, the anniversary of our nation's independence, I remembered to bring along my camera to my outings.

After sleeping in again ('til 7:30 AM this time), I watched Shane, a great 4th of July movie, and then walked to a park in NW Pasadena for an Oasis sponsored picnic. We had carne asada, and it was very good. See Phil grill:



David and Maria were there with their son Isaiah, who may be the cutest kid who goes by Zay that I've ever known. You don't believe me? See for yourself:



Then we walked to the Rose Bowl, where we sat in the paradise which is a parking lot and played cards and waited for the firework show to begin.



I lost handsomely at hearts, but the company and sky-bound spectacle were wonderful. I took many pictures of the fireworks, but you'll have to wait to see them. I intend to at least mention fireworks in every post this week, and I'm saving those pictures for later.

Then I went home and slept.

On Sunday, my sister Hannah came to visit me once again (Yay!), and after church and lunch at In-N-Out Burger,



Hannah and two of my friends, Lara and Becca, and I went to the Norton Simon Museum to peruse the artwork housed there.

Hannah looked at art:



Becca looked at art:



Lara looked at art:



I looked in art:



And then I found pie art, and I was very happy:



Here is a picture of my favorite painting. It's a depiction of Peter being led from prison by an angel as reported in the book of Acts. Before people were largely literate, Bible stories were told pictorially. That's one of the reasons old churches have stained glass windows and why the cathedrals of Europe are filled with art. I think this painting is particularly cool though, because I've never imagined the Roman jail looking quite like that. Now I want to go to there to see.



After the museum, the four of us went to Cherry On Top, a great frozen yogurt place, and then we went home, and Hannah had to leave to go back to Santa Clarita, which was a sad way to end an otherwise fantastic weekend. I hope your holiday weekend was just as fun.

Well, I start my new job today, and I am so very excited. Say a quick prayer for me if you think to.

One last thing, as a teaser for the rest of the week which will be themed on firecrackers, I think I'll leave you with one of my firework pictures and the promise of more to come.



Have a great week!

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Some of the Exciting News I Alluded to Yesterday

And now for some exciting news, but first a brief bit of backstory.

I love my job. I am the Slessor Hall Receptionist and Assistant to the Chief Information Officer and Assistant Provost, and I have been since the middle of October of last year. I only work part-time, but it's good time. There's a lot of variety in what I do, and (most days) it's not too stressful. I really work for three different offices - the Provost's, President's, and CIO's office - and I get to meet a lot of people both connected to the seminary and just visiting. There's always something going on, but the atmosphere is pretty calm too, because people visiting the Provost and President are usually very respectful of the men and the position.

Most of all though, I love the people I work with. Because I work for three different offices, and because I serve as the receptionist for the building, I interact with just about everyone who works here, and they're all so great. They make every day of coming into work a pleasure. I will be sorry to leave this office.

"What!?! Leave!?! Elijah, why ever would you do that if you love your job as much as you say you do!? And why are you leaving in general?" Those are excellent questions.

Well, in light of the current economic climate, Fuller is restructuring, and I was informed a few weeks ago that at the end of June in 2010 (next year), my job will cease to exist. I still have a year of guaranteed employment, but come next summer, I will be let go. This made me very sad because I enjoy my job so much, but it also gave me the freedom to look for a different job, and the encouragement of my present employer to do so, without the pressure of being unemployed.

So, exciting news, I have a new job! Beginning on Monday, I will be working mornings for the Provost's Office (as I currently do), but I will also be working in the afternoons for the Office of Alumni/ae and Church Relations. I will be the Administrative Assistant for the office and Assistant to the Associate Vice President of Alumni and Church Relations. This job will be part-time for now, but it will transition into a full-time job maybe sometime this fall. Until then, I will be working full-time hours split between the Provost's and Alumni/ae offices.

This is great for a lot of reasons, but chief among them is that I can begin to move into a new job without abandoning my Slessor Hall friends. Of course, the new job also brings benefits (eventually) and better pay (immediately), and I still get to work for Fuller, which I love doing, and because it's a Fuller job, they will be much more flexible with my class schedule when I start taking classes again in the fall. I'm very excited.

I'm also a bit dumbfounded right now, because it all happened so fast. I contacted them about the job on Tuesday of last week, had my first interview on Thursday, my second on Tuesday of this week, was hired Tuesday afternoon, trained yesterday, and I start on Monday. It's crazy, but good, and I'm looking forward to the new.

Well, I hope you all have a great weekend. I have the day off tomorrow, and I probably won't post. Go watch some fireworks, eat some watermelon (if you like watermelon, that is), and celebrate our country. It's a pretty good place to live. In honor of Independence Day, I'd like to leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, Rich Mullins' "Land of My Sojourn," and a few pictures of our country that I've taken over the last two years as I've criss-crossed it. Enjoy.

Land of My Sojourn

And the coal trucks come a-runnin'
With their bellies full of coal
And their big wheels a-hummin'
Down this road that lies open like the soul of a woman
Who hid the spies who were lookin'
For the land of the milk and the honey



And this road she is a woman
She was made from a rib
Cut from the sides of these mountains
Oh these great sleeping Adams
Who are lonely even here in paradise
Lonely for somebody to kiss them
And I'll sing my song, and I'll sing my song
In the land of my sojourn



And the lady in the harbor
She still holds her torch out
To those huddled masses who are
Yearning for a freedom that still eludes them
The immigrant's children see their brightest dreams shattered



Here on the New Jersey shoreline in the
Greed and the glitter of those high-tech casinos
But some mendicants wander off into a cathedral
And they stoop in the silence
And there their prayers are still whispered
And I'll sing their song, and I'll sing their song
In the land of my sojourn



Nobody tells you when you get born here
How much you'll come to love it
And how you'll never belong here
So I call you my country
And I'll be lonely for my home
And I wish that I could take you there with me



And down the brown brick spine of some dirty blind alley
All those drain pipes are drippin' out the last Sons Of Thunder
While off in the distance the smoke stacks
Were belching back this city's best answer



And the countryside was pocked
With all of those mail pouch posters
Thrown up on the rotting sideboards of
These rundown stables like the one that Christ was born in
When the old world started dying
And the new world started coming on
And I'll sing His song, and I'll sing His song
In the land of my sojourn



In the land of my sojourn
And I will sing His song
In the land of my sojourn

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Slices of Life (and Pie)

Last night during Life Group, Mickey mentioned to me that he was jonesing for some pie. I was only too happy to help him remedy his craving, so after Life Group ended, we crossed Pasadena for a little Pie N Burger magic. I had fresh strawberry pie, and while it wasn't quite as good as Park Cafe Fresh Strawberry Pie (but really, what is?), it was quite good. As tradition dictates, I took a picture with my phone for posterity's sake:



As I was going through my phone pictures this morning in preparation for this blog post, I happened upon a bunch of other pictures I've taken with my phone but have never gotten around to doing anything with.

I never wanted a camera phone, but when my old phone started to die, I figured out that I was up for a big upgrade because I hadn't gotten a new phone in a loooooong time. I was able to get a pretty nice phone for free, and it included a camera. I don't use the camera much because the image quality is pretty poor compared to my actual camera, but it does come in handy for random things.

Today, I thought I might show you some of the random things I've taken pictures of with my phone.



Of course, there are lots of pictures of pie. These two slices were consumed by me when I went home for Jon's wedding. The one on the left is Bayou Goo from The House of Pies in Houston, TX, a post-wedding gift from Jon to me. The slice on the right is of a pie made by my mother.

Once when I was younger, she and I went to Luby's in the mall in Lewisville, and we split a piece of pie. We liked it so much she decided to try to facsimile it at home. We also looked at the recipe in a Luby's cookbook, but she only wrote down the ingredients and not the amounts or directions. The pie is great though, and I was glad to have it. She told me she thought about making a pie, but then she decided that because I like pie so much, she better not try. That is completely the wrong attitude! I love pie of all kinds, and while I may be detailed in my pie critique, I'm also enthusiastic about it and am somewhat easy to please, and especially when the pie is made out love.

Ok. On to more random pictures.



This is the Nascar I rode in at the vending machine retailer's convention at Texas Motor Speedway last summer when I went there with my former employers and still friends Eric and Sandy Guyer. It was awesome, and ironic, because the soon-to-be-a-seminarian tore around the race track at over 200 mph in a Jack Daniel's emblazoned racing machine.



Last fall I was in a minor fender bender. I rear ended a Canadian while pulling into Wal-Mart, and because I was a bit fearful that I could get screwed later, I took this picture of the damage I had done to his car, but I didn't want him to know I was taking the picture, so I took it as discretely as possible. Hence, it is upside down.



This is the from the Sunday I decided to stop going to my old church. The auditorium where we normally gathered was being renovated, but rather than simply go with a simpler, less flashy service, they decided we should just move everything outdoors. It was ridiculous and highlighted for me the church's focus on the outward appearance of things in lieu of the inward work of the Spirit. I never went back after this Sunday.



This is the Christmas tree that sat in the City Hall concourse last Christmas. Ooh. Pretty.



This is a little old couple I saw walking one Sunday morning on my way to church. Aren't they precious? I see a lifetime of love in that hand hold.



I walk over to City Hall often, and one day I came across this tree that had randomly fallen down in the courtyard. There are multiple similar trees in the courtyard, and they all appear healthy, but apparently their roots don't go very deep, and they are likely to tumble down. The tree has since been removed, and there isn't even a trace of it left.



This is my friend Aaron. He makes extremely good homemade pizza. He even hand tosses the crust. Mmmm. I'm getting hungry just looking at it.



All around Pasadena I see neat VW vans, so I've started taking pictures of them. I have about 7 or 8 pictures right now. This is one of my favorites.



I like to explore where I live, and I like to find hidden ways to get places most other people never get to. I took this picture from the roof of the new Fuller library. I had to walk across another roof to get there and climb a ladder. This is my phone's background picture right now, because whenever I look at it I feel adventurous.



Finally, this is me in 3D glasses waiting to go in to see Up in 3D. I know. I look terribly goofy. Ha. Ha. Ha. This is another reason I'm not too big a fan of 3D movies besides the fact that they typically hurt my eyes.

I hope y'all have a great day. There's lots of exciting stuff happening in my life now, and I can't wait to share it with you, but it will have to wait for another day. Peace.

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Welcome to the World, Elisabeth Kay Land

I follow a whole smattering of blogs. I track friends, church thinkers, musicians, writers, academics, and even a backpacker or two. I love blogs. It's like I've created my own online magazine that only contains articles on subjects I enjoy.

Some of these blogs I have been following for a long time. I've been reading Andy Osenga's blog since the Fall of 2004, and for a year or so, it was the only blog I read.

Then, I started following another person, Jeni Land, my friend Brice's wife. That last sentence really didn't come across right. I didn't start following her; I started reading her blog regularly, and I've continued doing so for the past three years. As I've said before, Jeni's blog is hilarious, and I love being able to keep up with what's going on in their life in Kentucky. Her blog was actually a big influence on my starting this blog, and Brice was the first person to encourage me to blog as well.

So, I read Jeni's blog and stay up to date about what's happening in Louisville, but about nine months ago, I knew about something that was going on in their life that even they didn't know about yet. Somehow, I knew that Brice and Jeni were pregnant, and a month later, I received a phone call from Brice telling me what I already knew.

Of course, I've been following their prenatal progress (Jeni posts regularly), and eagerly awaiting the day when little Ellie decided to make her entrance into the world.

She arrived on Thursday of last week (June 25th). Here she is:



Isn't she adorable? She was born at 5:42 PM, weighed 6 pounds 14 oz, and was 19.5 inches long.

And here she is with her Daddy:



And finally, with her proud Mommy:



You should probably go here and see enjoy the rest of Jeni's pictures and commentary. She's quite the blogger. She even thought about her posts while in labor and took the requisite pictures. That's way more dedicated than I would be.

Anyway, congratulations, Lands! I can't wait to meet the newest addition to your family in person.

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